Thoughts From Your Burglar

  1. Don’t you recognize me? I was here just last week doing some work at your house.  Sometimes I carry a clipboard, sometimes I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.
  2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.
  3. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway.  And I might even leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.
  4. If it snows while you're out of town, and no one has made car and foot tracks up to the house, well that’s a dead giveaway that I’ll have lots of time at this house.
  5. Thanks for mounting your alarm control pad where I can see it through the front door glass, that helps me to know if it’s activated.
  6. I usually knock first and if you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters (you shouldn't take me up on that either).  No one ever thinks to call 9-1-1 when I do this.
  7. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, the freezer, and the medicine cabinet.
  8. Here's a helpful hint: I almost never waste time in the kids' rooms (unless I see an awesome gaming system calling to me).
  9. You're right, I probably won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, it’s going with me.
  10. I avoid homes with sounds from a loud TV or radio.  Some folks have even bought cheap fake TV devices that flash TV colors in the bedroom or family room.  Fools me every time.
  11. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.  I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again.  If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing. It's human nature.
  12. I always appreciate when you post your travel plans on Facebook, although I’m sure you think just your “friends” are reading.  Oh, and remember to “check in” regularly whenever you're away from home, that’s a big help too.
  13. Thanks for not installing motion detector lights outside. I work better in the dark anyway.
Sources: Interviews with convicted burglars compiled and posted in the public domain.